An {Almost Missed} Calling

Growing up, I must have been asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" a thousand times. When I got to college, the first thing people would ask when meeting is "What's your major?" It was what told the most about a new acquaintance. As a society, we put so much emphasis on careers. It makes sense, really, as the age of retirement keeps climbing, a career is likely to last 50+ years. That's pretty terrifying.  

I changed my major once during undergrad. A lot of my friends changed theirs 3+ times. Not many people know at 18 what they want to do the rest of their lives. I knew when I graduated that I would never work in the field of psychology. So how did I end up graduating with a major I knew I wouldn't use? I kept asking the wrong questions and putting weight in the wrong things. 

Firstly, I kept asking myself what I wanted to do. That isn't an inherently bad question but the issue was with what I thought would make *me* happy. See, there was this boy. (Insert annoyed sigh here) You could call him my middle school/high school/most of college sweetheart. What idiot 17-20 year old Lauren thought would make her happy was making *him* happy. So when little, naive {still idiotic} Lauren felt a calling to education and told said boy about it, she needed his approval. Instead, she was told that she was "worth more" than a teacher. Red flag #862? Probably. Like I said, I was idiotic. There was also a huge lay off of teachers my sophomore year that contributed to me not changing my path. Yay Texas educational system...

"So what are the right questions?" The few people who will read this might ask. It's taken me 6 years post-high school to figure that out. First, I needed to realize that "happy" is a relative term. What made me happy at 20 was making someone else happy. Now, I haven't even spoken with that someone in 2+ years. Making him happy is no longer my concern (thank goodness). I also thought a career that could eventually lead to a six figure income would make me happy. Two years climbing the corporate ladder and chasing raises has made me realize that life isn't for me. "Happy" is an emotion and emotions shouldn't lead our major life decisions. Instead what I should have been asking were the following:

"What am I good at?"

"What are my spiritual gifts?"

"Where do I feel called to?"

I'm good at English. I'm sure I'll make some grammatical errors in this blog so please don't hold me to that :) but overall English was always my strongest subject. It was easy. I had a passion for writing growing up and I was actually pretty gifted at it. If you saw just my English SAT score, you would have thought I was headed to an Ivy League (instead I went to a state school. Thanks, math). But who doesn't like being good at something?

Now asking myself about my spiritual gifts would have been just as clear cut. I'm good with children. Actually, I'm great with them. I've always felt that I could communicate with kids better than I could those around me. My love and connection with children has always been obvious. My obsession with Frozen probably contributes to this... 

The last question I mentioned above can be the most difficult. I know it was for me. Being in tune with what God was calling me to do with my life meant I needed to have a real relationship with Him. I'll admit this wasn't always the case in college. Even while running away, I felt clearly called to education though. I knew what God wanted from me and it wasn't going to be easy. I didn't want to change my major (so I didn't). I didn't want to go against the man I loved (so I didn't). I didn't want to choose a path that meant a lower salary (so I didn't). 

So how did idiot Lauren finally take the plunge and start pursuing what God wanted from her? I finally asked the right questions. I tried answering the wrong ones for so long but never felt satisfied. Chasing happiness, money, and the approval of others just left me empty. When I finally saw what I was good at (English), recognized the skills I was blessed with (connecting with children), and submitted to God's will, it all fell together. 

So here I am. I'm nearly 24 and a full-time student again. I'm sort of starting over. It would have been much easier to have done this the "right" way from the beginning but God has provided me grace and an opportunity to submit to His will. It's a little scary not knowing what teaching will truly be like. I can't lie and say I don't wonder if I'm doing the right thing or not sometimes. When I trust that God has me right where He wants me though, I am at peace.